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Lightning Fish

by: Lloyd Tackitt 7/27/2013

"Hell yes I'm starting to feel old.  I'm 60, and my muscles aren't nearly as strong as they once were.  Why there was a time that I could run for miles, then chop half a cord of wood, and that was before lunch.  Now...now it's a struggle to walk a mile."

"Aw quit it grandpa.  I never saw you run in my life."  The eight year old answered.

"Well son, that's because I quit running before you were born.  Hell, I was old before you were even thought of."  

Grandpa was wading up the river with his grandson as they talked.  They were going to one of the really good spots. 

"Tell me about when you were my age Papa, I like those stories."

"Hmmm.  That was a long time ago.  Back when dinosaurs still roamed around.  It was dangerous back then, never knew when a dinosaour would leap out of the trees and run you down.  Just getting to and from a good fishing spot was an adventure, never mind the kinds of fish we caught.  You know...I do remember one time catching a lightning fish when I was about your age."

"REALLY?  What's a lightning fish?"

"I haven't seen one in so long it's hard to remember exactly.  But they were shaped kind of like a lightning bolt, you know all zigs and zags.  They had a tinly little mouth and a great big tail.  Had to be real careful about picking them up cause if you squeezed them too hard they'd shoot lightning out of their mouths.  Big blue bolts of lightning so powerful it could blow up a tree.  Good tasting fish, the flesh tasted kind of like a rain storm smells.  Sure do miss them.  One of them saved my life once too."

"REALLY?  WOW!"  What kind of bait did you use?  Can we catch one?  I'd really like to blow up some trees!"

"Bait...let me remember...oh yeah, we used AAA batteries for bait.  They sure loved those batteries.  Must a been the electricity in them.  But, no, they're all gone now.  Too bad too, they sure were fun."

"How'd a lightning fish save your life Papa?"

"Actually it saved my life twice that day.  The first time was while I was walking home.  A huge ginormous dinosaur leaped out of the trees at me.  Man was I scared.  I just stood there staring.  Couldn't out run him so I thought I was done for.  Then I remembered the lightning fish and pointed him right at that terrifying monster, then squeezed the fish real hard.  A bolt of blue lightning shot out and just blew that huge thing into little smoking bits of meat.  Made quite a mess too.  Gooey stuff all over, even dripping from the tree limbs.  The meat tasted pretty good though, already cooked and all."

"COOL!  That so cool Papa.  I sure would like to eat a dinosaur.  I bet it rained icky stuff all over you!  What was the second time it saved your life Papa?"

"That was when I got home.  When that dinosaur blew up his head went flying way off.  It flew all the way back to the house and crashed down on the power lines, knocking out electricity to the house.  When I got home your grandma was stomping mad.  It was summer and hot just like today.  With the power out the air-conditioner quit running and it got really really hot in the house.  Grandma saw me walking up and said, "Dang it!  You killed another dinosaur didn't you!  Just look at the mess you made in the yard, that old giant head sitting there with smoke coming off of it.  Stinks to high heavens and you knocked out the power and it's as hot as hades in the house."

"So what happened?  How'd it save your life?"

"Why son I just walked over to where the power used to come into the house and jammed a wire into that lightning fish's butt, and then the other wire into his mouth.  There was enough electricity in that fish to power the air-conditioner until the power company came out and fixed the lines three days later.  If I hadn't of done that your grandmother would have shot me dead before the night was over, sure as the world she would've.  She never could stand heat like that, made her kind of ornery."

"Here we are now."  Grandpa said as they reached the really good fishing hole.  "Now let's catch some fish.  Oh, and by the way, don't mention lightning fish to grandma okay?  She doesn't like to be reminded of how old she is."

 

 

 

 

Blog content © Lloyd Tackitt
Member comments
JKaboom, CO   7/29/2013 8:01:36 PM
You have reached or maybe just revealed a whole new level of silliness Lloyd - LOL :)
 
Lloyd Tackitt
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